Chocolate and Strawberries

Okay let’s face it. There’s a huge cookie-cutter. Many cookie-cutters actually. The cookie-cutters of life. I’ll stop saying cookie-cutter now. Basically, everyone fits into a certain mold. Take many people I know for instance. They come from traditional families, blessed with money and a good education – pretty conventional in the sense of liking popular music, going to well-known places, having common likes and dislikes, dressing similarly and mainly harbouring the same dreams for the future.

We then have a whole other set of people. Creative people. Unconventional in every sense. Rebellious, constantly coming up with ways to have fun, pleasure-seeking, adventurous people. Those that are as conventional and true to their tribe as the first set. Old Monk drinking, Boho-dressing, film festival, backpacking kind of people.

But what about somebody who has grown up with and has some characteristics of the first set of people – but who finds a lot in common with the second set too? Someone who may not be as quick-witted, rebellious and passionate as them, but who shares many of their views and pleasure-seeking habits.

Is there a mold that combines these two? Something that cuts the cookie in a not-so-even shape? When you don’t fit into either tribe, it’s disconcerting. The middle path is a lonely one and the fence gets uncomfortable.

But I can’t force myself to choose between two sections of my life that have equal prominence in it. I can’t have all the characteristics of either one tribe. Not even if I tried. Because that just wouldn’t be me.

So where’s my tribe? Or is this that ‘unique’ factor that every person is told he or she is? Does a combination make you more unique? Maybe the chocolate dough and strawberry dough got mixed up – and then made me.

Oh well, at least chocolate and strawberries are a tasty combination.

Losing yourself

Every so often you find that through the years - your perception of who you are keeps changing. What never tends to change however, are the dreams and plans you had for yourself years ago...as a teenager even.

Or more often than not, you find yourself just altering those plans and dreams in your head based on where you are in life at the present moment.

People will come and go. Work environments will change. There will be phases where one or two people will take priority in your life. There will be times where you will experience mental growth spurts.

But somewhere somehow, the core of your being will always want what you always wanted. The dream. The book written. The beautiful house with a sea-view. Someone completely deserving of you to love.

And the way you see yourself - your thoughts, your upbringing, your likes and dislikes and basic values - will also never change. What changes is your willingness to compromise your vision...based on reality.

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But if you stay true to what you were - what you essentially are - and what you want for yourself, you will ultimately achieve it. Even if people all around you are compromising on their visions and dreams and bartering them for new ones. The new ones may even be better than anything they imagined. But then again...they may not.

And you will stray from the Essential Path of You...many many times. You will try to convince yourself that the path you've strayed onto is better, greener, smoother and wider. The fact remains that no matter how the path may be, the destination will still be different from your dream.

And the best people to lead you back onto your original path are your sisters, your brothers, your best friends and childhood buddies. Because they know you. The old you. The original you. The you who you want to be.

Take their hands and make your way back to your path. Because in the end, every step will be worth it.

20-something fling...

I don't care, I really don't.
I'm very clear about what I will and won't.
Just fun and games, let's keep it merry.
Let's not get serious and emotional very.

Because emotions mean you care.
Emotions are the worst.
Emotions are your downfall.
Emotions leave you hurt.

And when you're burnt so many times,
20 times bitten - 200 times shy,
You barely want to show emotions,
For fear that they may run dry.

So you're extra careful all the time,
Follow that muaah with a mischievous :)
Follow that :) with an LOL
God forbid our emotions show and tell.

Restrained and controlled,
Don't pick up that phone,
Don't send that message,
Keep it all in - that emotional outrage.

Keep it all in till it forms a wall,
Hardened - strong and very tall.
Pretend those emotions were never there,
Because of course, after all, I really don't care.

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An untouched 20-something...

Today as I was writing this, I paused for a minute. A sound was annoying me from outside my window. I strained to hear - and I could just about discern some slogan chanting. "Wow", I thought to myself. "The protest march has reached Irla outside my house! Not bad!" Distracted from my writing, I returned to the Facebook newsfeed to see some recent pictures of an ex-colleagues baby shower. I laughed at some witty status messages and pondered at recent developments in my friend circle. And then I went over my busy social schedule for the next day: lunch at Indigo - check, yoga - check, Elbo Room - check.

As I returned to write this, the feeling washed over me even more strongly than it had earlier. I belong to that strata of society. Yes that one. The strata that is born in one large cocoon and shielded in that cocoon for most of its life. The truly untouched.

Right from politics, to terrorism, to the state of affairs to even economics, precious little can touch our lives. Yes, we read the newspapers and follow the news channels and spew our views across dinner tables and in lawns in Khandala. But does it really affect us - and will it ever?

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The sad, yet extremely true fact of the matter is that it won't. A terrorist attack, after the first 2 hours of frantic phone calls, ceases to be even a fleeting thought in our minds unless it's a matter of our own safety - or our near one's safety. Granted, if we're in an airport or a crowded place, we look around furtively for signs of terror. But it fails to leave an impression. Anna's fight against corruption is always in the background in our surroundings, in the form of tweets, facebook statuses, notes like this one, headlines, photos and for some a memory of a rousing walk chanting slogans. But it's like the rain. You know it's raining. You're aware of it - it's there somewhere at the back of your mind, but your thoughts still comprise of where to go for lunch with your friend, why a certain someone is ignoring you, how that sprained neck is still hurting, how you might miss the gym today, what you could be doing this weekend, why your boss is suddenly late today, why your cook can't learn how to make a new vegetable, why people keep writing annoying notes on facebook, how you must remember to get your cavity checked, how you have to remember to clock those air miles, how you have to serve new fun snacks at this Friday's poker party, how this new shampoo is making you lose hair, what you're going to give your husband for his birthday, how you should charge more for this job, how you should subtly get your boss to notice that you're doing all the work, how you should remember to show off to your friends about your appraisal, how they're replacing Two and Half Men with Rules of Engagement, how you have to book your tickets for Metallica and the F1 race, how you need a manicure, how you're going to suggest a counselor to your friend who is under depression, how you're going to give it back to that rude colleague next time, and really why is he acting like this???

No matter how many rousing slogans we read, how many articles about common people sparking change, about masses bringing about a revolution - nothing is going to stir us out of the beautiful bubbles we've so carefully built around ourselves. This wonderful cocoon spun so painstakingly to keep ourselves out of the world we live in.

And it's only when someone is torn out of that cocoon, forcefully, by an attack against himself, his own family - his business or his home - when corruption or terror or poverty come and hit HIM directly in the face. Only then will he behold that hell which lies beyond the cocoon. That demonic world of intangible wrongs, which we view from our ivory towers.......wondering where we'll have lunch today.

Bye Bye Baby

How do you know when you’ve grown up?

Is it when you have new epiphanies every so often? 

When suddenly the haze around many issues and conflicts in your mind seems to melt away and solutions look crystal clear?

When you realise that your friend is your friend only because that’s what she always has been and not because you connect with her on many levels?

When you realise that you can’t bond with one friend by bad-mouthing the other?

When it finally hits you that deceit, lies, gossip, playing mind games and keeping a record of ‘who knows what’ is just too tedious and completely unnecessary?

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When proving something to your friends ceases to be a priority in your head?

I think it’s all this and more. When you acknowledge that being clear in your mind is so much easier than justifying confusion.

When you realise that being part of someone else’s melodrama all the time, only takes away the chances of your life being exciting.

When you find yourself actually following the advice you give to your friends all the time.

When you find yourself actually appreciating people for being clear-headed, sorted and fundamentally solid about their ideals.

When you learn to appreciate the differences between you and the people you’re close to. (Trust me – this may sound the easiest, but it’s something the best of us struggle with every day.)

Or when you learn to deal with family stress, diseased loved ones, the plumber, a burnt finger, a disgruntled friend, a pressure cooker and a pigeon in the house all at the same time. Or balance a demanding boss, a bitchy colleague and a particularly tedious job all by being politically correct...........all the while trying to be a social, creative – yet sorted, intelligent, balanced and fun person?

It’s not easy to grow up. Especially when you know...that there's miles to go...before you sleep.

Arabietta sauce

Breaking up with somebody - anybody - be it a boyfriend or friend or even drifting from a family member, impacts other relationships in ways which you would never have thought of. Ways, which change your life completely.

For now, let's compare a relationship to Arabietta sauce. Let's say your boyfriend was the tomato. His best friend, the onion - and your entire group the herbs, spices, garlic and brown sugar.

All together, they taste great and you want to keep eating it! It suddenly becomes your favourite sauce - and Pasta Arabietta your favourite dish! You associate it with nights out, with fun times, good memories and lots of laughs. You just don't realise how integral the Arabietta is to those times. And how integral the tomato is to that sauce.

Now what happens when the tomato goes bad? You can't separate the onions, garlic, herbs, spices and brown sugar from it. The whole sauce is bad. The dish becomes bad. You suddenly stop relishing it.

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All those ingredients start to fade from your life. And you crave them. Especially the tomato.

You try to eat garlic, spices, herbs and brown sugar on their own. You try to combine them with other ingredients, mix them, roast them, fry them...but to no avail. Without the tomatoes, it's a no-show. It's definitely no Arabietta.


And then you just start to hate them all. Sure, just garlic's okay when put in something totally different. But combined with even a few of the others, tomato's presence is sorely missed.

And then a time comes when you just stop ordering Pasta Arabietta. And that symbolises the end of your relationship. And everything that came with it.

The garlic, onions, herbs, spices and brown sugar.

Dear Person Who Keeps Taunting Me For Being On The Phone A Lot

Dear Person Who Keeps Taunting Me For Being On The Phone A Lot,


I would just like to explain how and why "my phone keeps beeping", how and why it IS possible to "know everything about everyone" and how it is ALSO possible to "be so 'social' without having superficial relationships."

Let me start by telling you that people like you who pose all these questions, are really those who can't multitask. It's that simple. Of course there's the whole other problem of you not having any friends and family to chat with in the first place!


Today I talked on the phone to my friend from Dubai for an hour. I caught up with a school friend over phone chat - I planned dinner with 4 of my cousins on group chat. I exchanged friendly banter with an ex-boss over Facebook on my phone, I spoke to my sister halfway across the world on Yahoo Messenger. Not to mention about 15-20 other myriad conversations on different chat and social networking applications on the phone. And it's all in a day's work! Without me having 'superficial' conversation. Without me losing out on personal interaction with others I had through the day. Without me paying through my nose - since many of the features I used were pre-paid for and hence allowed me unlimited usage.

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So what's all this you say about me always being on the phone? Why don't you get that it's not the phone I'm addicted to - it's the PEOPLE on the other end. YES I want to know what my sister had for breakfast - I miss her, she's thousands of miles away. I AM interested in my school friend's weekend plans and NEWSFLASH - I actually DO care about my uncle's new haircut.


I'm happy that I'm part of their daily lives in spite of not being with them!


I'm happy that distance plays no part in how close you can be to people.


And most importantly, I'm happy to share my own life with all these people at the touch of a button.


So yes, I'm always on the phone. Because the people I love are at the other end of it. And YOU just better as hell learn to deal with it.


Regards,
Always On The Phone


Written Exclusively For Docomo's Share Life Contest. Vote For Me! 

The Adventures of a 20-Something Year Old.

I hate adventure sports and rides at amusement parks and fast cars.


If the average friend, acquaintance, colleague or distant cousin were to describe me, they would say I was safe. Not a risk-taker. Not adventurous at all.

But what is adventure really? What are risks? And aren't the emotional risks you take far more dangerous than the physical ones?

For one, the emotional risks are NOT temporary. 5 minutes on a Banana Boat come and go and before you know it, it's all over. The jerks, the pace, the splash of the waves as they hit you, the way your heart surges when the tube topples, and WHAM - you're done. You're back on the beach, laughing.


But when you decide to throw away a 6-year relationship with a perfectly decent man, who you instinctively know is the one person on the planet who will adore you for the rest of your life, no.matter.what. - just because you want someone more exciting. Someone you feel more attracted to. Someone you're passionate about - even though you KNOW that one day all that is going to fade away. That's risky.

When you're ready to give up stability for 'butterflies'. When you're ready to barter the known and safe for the unknown and potentially dangerous. When you're ready to take the biggest risk of all - that of being alone. Now that's a roller-coaster. Not meant for the faint-hearted.

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One's career is also similar. When you think what you're doing is what you want to do. When it suddenly strikes you that maybe it's not. When you're ready to trade your job for your peace of mind. When you prepare yourself mentally to cut back in every way - because you're taking a break, you're taking a sebbatical, you're tearing yourself away from an environment as dependent on you as the earth is on the sun.

When you're giving up the tried and tested for a black hole of uncertainty. It's like bungee jumping. 99% you'll live to tell the tale. But there's always that 1% where it'll be YOUR rope that snaps.

And it seems like a restless spirit, always in search of more, turns life into one big risk, with sharp turns, corners, slopes, turnabouts, upside downs and jumps - where your heart is always in your mouth and your head is always spinning and you're simply wondering which risk you're willing to take next.

But I hate adventure sports...and rides at amusement parks...and fast cars.

Mind Block Shift

If you’re reading this blog entry, you’re obviously aware of how the world has gone digital and all that. You also might be aware of the constant over-analyzing done in terms of how the virtual world harms your actual one. Analysis that has the most secure and content people doubting the depth of their lives.

“If you have so many friends on Facebook that means you hardly speak to any of them.” “You’re a compulsive friend-collector, without having any meaningful relationship with that friend…” “How is it possible for you to keep in touch with so many people? "How can this be fulfilling? Get out of this virtual world…”

Is it possible for all these over-analyzers to fathom the fact that one can have a very, very full life online AS WELL AS offline – and one’s life offline is often the reason one’s life seems socially fulfilling online? Everyone doesn’t have to be a lonely depressed person – bordering on psychoses, just because they enjoy online social networking. Everyone does not have to be a loser pretending to be a girl on chat just for a lark. There are enough people on this planet who have managed to win hearts both in the flesh and through a computer screen.

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Now while I’m all for going out and meeting people, developing one-to-one relationships and chatting for hours on the phone – I also don’t see the harm in keeping in touch with this world through the internet. What might be too trivial to make a call for or type an SMS about is easy to share on a chat window or an email. Distance doesn’t separate me from my cousins’ inner-most feelings. My school pals can drop a note anytime – and I’ll know what’s happening with them even though we haven’t met in 10 years. My friends can now read my thoughts through my blog – hell, I don’t have to call and update 63 people when something good happens in my life!

In fact, this way I feel closer to my world – sharing stuff I could have never shared before – learning more about them than I ever knew.

That’s not to say one shouldn’t be exclusive. If you choose your friend lists carefully and share sensibly, these social networking sites often come out with more positives than negatives.

So instead of writing articles about how technology is isolating the world, instead of giving discourses in offices about how ‘in those days, we relied on physical presence to make a mark etc’, embrace your present – go out, make those friends, get to know them. Then use these websites for what they’re meant. To keep in touch and connect better with your world – keeping it fuller every day.

You v/s You

Contradictions.

Isn't your day full of them?

Take my average day for instance.

I love my city but absolutely HATE commuting in it.
I love that summer evenings are longer. I hate the fact that it's summer.
I love partying and meeting my friends. I hate moving from my room, the AC, the TV and my books.
I hate my taste in men. But I still think that somewhere I'm being true to myself when I realise why I like them.

I am a very chilled, easy-going person. I can also be uptight and very rigid about certain things.
I consider myself one of the most open-minded people I know, welcoming change with open arms. Yet I find myself falling prey to stereotypical thinking and judgments - sometimes unknowingly...

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I'm very practical. But I'm a creative person.
I believe in logic but I live by instinct.
I think I should only mingle with a certain kind of people - people who live my kind of life, think my kind of thoughts and are on the same wavelength. Yet I find myself drawn to my opposites and feel more comfortable with them than I do with 'my kind of people' sometimes.

So which me is the real me? Which me am I more true to? Do I have double standards? Do I want to have my cake and eat it too? Or is this just who I am? Who many of us are...filled with contradictions that blow the leaves of our lives either this way or that.

After all, what's life without a little breeze?

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

How did you picture yourself 10 years ago? On a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies...?

No, seriously...what did you think you would be right now? Or rather at what stage of life did you think you would be at? Because when I think of what I was 'supposed' to be at this stage, I wince, shudder and promptly go on to block the thought. Repress it. I'm in denial! To some extent, we all are.

How many of us thought that by now we'd be married?
How many of us thought that we'd have become famous, written our books, made our first films and first crore?
How many of us thought we'd have our own houses? Go on expensive holidays? Be fit and fabulous and the envy of everybody? Our phones should have been ringing off the hook by now, our school-mates should have been spotting us in newspapers regularly...we should be cruising down a highway, listening to our favourite music - while the world around us swirls in perfect, happy rainbow colours....

Right?

Then how come most of us are still not married - and relieved to be so.
How come we're all still struggling to 'make it'. To dammit write that damned book once and for all...get that script done with...hell get that promotion already!
Why do we still feel embarassed to meet our school-mates, feeling like we'll be judged? Why don't some of us even have a car to cruise with yet? And goddamit I'm waiting for my swirly rainbow colours!!!

What is this deadline we're all up against? Why do we have to still live our lives by some sort of calendar...an hourglass...? "Time is running out..." What time? Why can't we all just chill? What is this crappy rat race that affects all our lives - like it or not. Why can't our lives be measured by the quality of our thoughts and relationships rather than our bank accounts and waistlines? What is 'time' really?

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And what is WITH this damned 'biological clock'??? if I hear the words 'biological clock' once again from anyone, I'm going to SCREAM!

So yes, we may not be at the ideal place we thought we should have been at. But when I see some of those who are living their 'dream' - a.k.a false, unhappy lives and then I look at what I've built in the last 10 years, the relationships, memories, thoughts and ideals, I suddenly forget the dreams I once had and my world turns swirly again - colourful, rainbow-like. Perfect.

The mind of a 20 something-year-old

26.

Quarter life crisis. Over the hill. 4 years from 30. 14 years from 40.
Finally we've reached a point where we think we've grown up. Into the people we always wanted to be. Or have we? Isn't there room to grow...till you're 86 at least? Ah thank god, that's a good 60 years away.

Why do I feel like we've reached this point in time, where we're all frozen. Frozen in space and time. Looking at our lives from the outside. Seeing the clock ticking, people changing, parents getting older, full grown adults getting younger and 17 year olds with a world-weary look in their eyes.

Teenagers seem more and more opinionated and pig-headed. Adults seem more and more outdated.
You can't believe your mother doesn't know how to use a laptop mouse.
You also can't believe that your 10 year old niece doesn't know how to use her imagination.
Suddenly when somebody leaves the bathroom messy it becomes an 'issue'.
Suddenly you become particular about people touching your face.
Suddenly the way people chew grates on your nerves even more than exam papers did.
Sometimes, when you're partying, and NOT blind drunk you're looking at your watch more than you ever did.
Sometimes, when you're partying and you ARE blind drunk, you swear and swear and swear again that you will NEVER drink again. EVER.
Suddenly dinners, lunches, coffees, picnics, concerts, matches, treasure hunts, treks, board game nights and movies seem like a lot more fun than a night club is. While curling up in bed with a good book or watching a few episodes of your favourite sitcom are the MOST appealing. Why? What's happened? 18 till I die right? Then how come I'm avoiding making a party plan on a 'week night'! Since when am I a 'morning person'???

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When you see teenage boys and girls leaving all their self-respect behind the camera and reveling in being abused, tortured, objectified, laughed at and humiliated, all for some extra pocket money to party and buy some branded clothes, you feel shocked and start spouting 'aunty' dialogues to the tune of "Haww what are they showing these days? They are asking boys to rate how hot a girl is in front of her and asking them whether they will choose love or cash!? What has this world come to!!!"

What has this world come to? You're spouting aunty dialogues? You're saying things you used to scoff at 10 years ago. Yes. This day has come! Like it or not! You're leaving behind - albeit slowly - all the hedonism of the last 10 years...you're slowly morphing into a 'grown up'. You're slowly starting to value outings, people, relationships, friends, family.

You're slowly preparing for the next 10 years of your life - hedonistic in a different way maybe. Only time will tell.

Is this what it feels like to be 26?

I guess so.